Overcoming Silence: Claiming Your Worth

Were you heard? Or told to shut up?

Today is not like any other day in my life. Or is it? There is a mutual understanding that only happens when both individuals have suffered trauma of some kind.

They have given me a voice. Listening with understanding is so powerful in the healing journey. For so many years my voice has been suppressed. Incapable of self-advocating, setting boundaries or even knowing what I want or what I feel. For so long my feelings about anything were ignored or of little importance. But I do have a voice. I do have something to say.

My early relationships with my siblings and parents were dysfunctional. My mother was always too busy with her own mental health issues. She was often screaming at my father or defending herself from him. There was just no space in her mind to listen or be present for me. Books saved me. Many stories by Enid Blyton or Emily Bronte offered a welcome escape. I found solace in them from the battleground that was my home. Alas, my absent mother didn’t read. She thought it was okay to hand on novels from her sisters that were unsuitable for a child. Reading adult romantic fiction seriously affected my innocent mind. It left a pattern of expectations. They were unrealistic at best and warped at worst.

Of course, any attempts to discuss what I was reading fell on deaf dismissive ears. I had no voice that she wanted to hear. When the abuse started, she remained unwilling to listen and as such, there was no protection for me. Her dismissive response created an unnatural perspective of what was happening to me. It felt as if it was okay and I was overreacting. I was just making a fuss. My home was not a safe place. I still struggle with people fussing over me.

My childhood episodes of abuse instilled a sense of unworthiness that persisted throughout my life. It’s a perspective I am learning to challenge. I am walking the path. Along the way, I can see the importance of challenging this unnatural sense of unworthiness. In getting to the root cause, you will notice a gap. It exists between your natural worth and the distorted sense of worth. This distortion was created by neglect. Now an adult, how would you respond to the child you were? you would listen. You wouldn’t ignore the pleas for help. You do have a voice now and you can listen to yourself and give yourself the worth you always deserved.

My voice did not emerge until recently. It was silenced by religion, by abusive husbands and In-laws. Only I knew the whole sorry story and only I can judge my worth.

I remember the rage I felt. I looked at my own daughter at the age I was. I knew, and I was angry. I knew what I would do if my daughter came to me for help. I’m sure the same way you would. You would fiercely protect like a mother lion. I now know I should give myself the same defender because the rage tells me. Being heard is your human right, and to be loved and nurtured is the responsibility of our caregivers. Telling your story is okay. The truth will be out. If they did not want the truth known, they should have behaved better.

It’s not your responsibility to feel their shame. That’s on them. Yes, they may not like it but that’s not your fault or your problem. Overcoming the barriers and learning to self-advocate is not easy. Being true to yourself takes little steps, achievements, and efforts. Each time you write or speak your truth, you will get stronger.

You may not have been heard when you were a child, but you are being heard now.

Now you have a voice.

Use it.