When Trauma Makes You Think the Unthinkable
We don’t talk about it much, but maybe we should. So much in today’s world is unnatural and not what we were designed to endure. It’s no wonder, then, that our nervous system is sometimes challenged beyond what it can reasonably bear.
As such, trauma doesn’t just leave you with nightmares or anxiety. Sadly, it can leave you with thoughts you’re too ashamed to speak aloud — like wanting to hurt yourself or even others. These thoughts can feel terrifying, confusing, or monstrous. But they are not uncommon. And they definitely do not make you a monster. They are a natural trauma response.
When you’ve been deeply hurt — through abuse, neglect, betrayal, or loss — your nervous system can become overwhelmed. This distress might come out as violent fantasies or urges. This isn’t because you’re evil or broken. It’s because your system is screaming for relief, safety, or justice from a life or isolated experience that hasn’t given that to you.
But know this, Thoughts do not equal actions. You are not your thoughts. Many trauma survivors have intrusive or violent thoughts they never act on — and never want to act on. Try to understand that these thoughts are coming from a place of unbearable pain, suppressed rage, or a deep longing for control and peace.
For some, suicidal thoughts feel like a way to make the pain stop. For others, fantasies of hurting someone else, especially someone who caused harm, can feel like the only imagined route to justice or escape. In both cases, these are survival responses from a nervous system pushed far beyond its natural limits.
Much has been said about the “fight or flight” response. No so much about what happens when fighting back wasn’t allowed, when fleeing wasn’t possible, and when freezing became the only option. Over time, all that trapped emotion — grief, anger, fear, betrayal — builds up. If there’s no safe way to release it, it starts leaking out in thoughts, urges, and nightmares. Sometimes, it explodes into violent imagery. Not because you are bad but because you are overwhelmed past all ability to reason.
This is not about threat or menace. This is about distress. This is about having endured too much in silence and living in bodies and minds that never got to feel any degree of safety.
If this is you, I want you to know that you are not alone. You are not broken. You are not dangerous.
You are carrying more than one nervous system should ever have to bear, and it makes perfect sense that your body and brain are trying to find a way to release it. It’s ok to feel the way you do.
There is help — not the kind that shames or punishes, but the kind that listens without fear. The kind that understands that anger, despair, and even violent thoughts can be symptoms of something much deeper: a primal wound that has not been tended to and healed.
Trauma therapy, especially approaches that work with the body and with dissociation can be powerful. They can manage symptoms and help you gently uncover the roots of your pain and reclaim the parts of you that were silenced or forced to survive in impossible ways.
No one chooses to live with these kinds of thoughts. But if they’re there, they mean something. They mean you’ve been hurt past what any human should. They mean you’re still here. They mean you deserve healing. You are a survivor.
You are not what you think.
You are what you’ve survived.
And you are worthy of peace.
If you’ve ever had thoughts that scared you — thoughts of hurting yourself, or others — please know that you’re not the only one. It doesn’t make you dangerous, and it doesn’t make you bad. It makes you human, and deeply wounded. And there is help for that.
You don’t have to carry this alone. You deserve support that sees beyond the thoughts to the pain underneath — the pain that can be healed, slowly and without shame.
If this resonates with you, I encourage you to seek out a trauma-informed therapist or talk to someone you trust. Healing is possible — and you are not beyond reach.
Here are some Helpful Resources:
- Mind UK – Trauma and mental health
- The National Centre for PTSD (US-based but informative)
- International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation
- Crisis text line (UK: text SHOUT to 85258)
If you found this helpful, please consider sharing it. The more we speak openly about trauma and the hard thoughts no one wants to admit, the less power shame has — and the more healing becomes possible for everyone.
Living on the Edge 