I read a post on Facebook that said, ‘Every ADHD person has an Autistic person taking care of them’. This sounds strange, and I would like to know if anyone agrees. I AM THE AUTISTIC person taking care of the ADHD person in me. They take turns. I prefer when autism takes control and I get things done. She also understands when ADHD takes over. Usually due to AUTISTIC burnout and forces me to rest. I used to flap. Now, I understand I go with the flow. I let her take a turn, knowing that once autism has rested, she will come back and take charge again.
I am still trying to work out how to control them both. I prefer myself when Autism is on center stage. I get way more done as my mind is more focused. Is it a case of which one you feed? The battle between two wolves is a well-known Native American parable. The wolf that wins is the one we feed. In this case, the battle is between ADHD and AUTISM. While they both have hyperfocus, one can’t decide what to do.
Indecision plagues my life. I’m told I have so much potential if only I can stick to one thing. Once I have mastered something I move on to the next challenge. This is so frustrating but I have no control over it. Now I have accumulated so many special interests through my life. It’s hard to know which one to focus on.
What’s happening today? who is in control? I can’t seem to move. I’m still stuck in my head. I’m trying to focus on stuff and get myself motivated to do this or that. There is so much choice rushing and bouncing around my head. Should I design the new yoke for ease of decrease? Or should I write a new blog post, my current favorite? But I really should practice Piano and finish those socks. But first, I must get washed and dressed feed myself and drink. All the mundane tasks get forgotten under the pile of things to do first. Is ADHD in control today?
Then there is technology. It is confusing me again and again. It’s supposed to be easier, but it’s actually more complicated. There are just too many options. Should I write a short story and enter that competition? No I must finish the blog, but where to share it. Facebook?, Instagram?, Twitter?, Threads? Upload to Amazon? Write a Kindle book? The choices are overwhelming. And then there is menopause thrown into the mix. Fog brain and forgetfulness. I’ve got no chance.
I feel like life has taken a turn. I am no longer stuck in a happen less place. Suddenly, everything is moving at a breakneck pace; there seem to be so many choices to make. I can’t decide which way to go, so I am still doing nothing and stuck in my head. My life feels catapulted but the trajectory is unknown, blindly crashing into this and that. I can’t decide what priorities to make. SO many life questions jostle for position in my foggy brain. They all try to be first, and so nothing gets done. I am still stuck in my head.
Should I play the piano, or should I write? Should I knit or cycle? Or just get breakfast and a shower and see where the day goes. I should go for a walk! the sun is shining, and the blue sky is bluing. Oh, those blue skies that make the guilt of doing nothing thrive. There is so much to get done, but nothing is happening. I’m out of control. I need to focus on my fitness goals. They are so important for my health but I don’t want to cycle today. Even though I know I should, I do not want to write because I’ve overdone the words. I can’t decide what to knit. I’m just sitting here now with my open laptop. I’m writing. I need Autistic me to come and make a decision. Could it be true? Would it help if I took more care of my Autistic self? For instance, not masking and taking care of my diet. Maybe exercise and self care and not overdoing it would ensure ADHD does not take over. What do you think?
Talking of wolves and which one you feed. I have recently learned that food plays a role in ADHD and Autism. So now there is another important task on the list. Research food and how that links to feeding the wolf. That will have to be another post. If you know something please comment.
I would love to know what you think. How do you cope with indecision? How do you care for the Autistic or ADHD person in you or in your life?
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Living on the Edge 
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